What do you do when need to be somewhere, but hate being there? It’s uncomfortable, you feel out of place, but you can’t get out of it.
There has been a few times in my life when I felt out of place, but what immediately comes to mind is the first grade. Mrs. Ryan was my teacher. She was an elderly lady and I don’t remember her ever smiling. Before starting first grade, I didn’t go to a daycare or preschool. See, back in the day there wasn’t a kindergarten; at least not at my school. Because my mom had to work, my grandmother took care of me. I spent many days at my grandmother’s house with my grandmother, great grandmother, & aunt. My grandmother was the only one who spoke English. So, I went straight into first grade. I didn’t know how to read or write. I don’t think I even knew my colors. Most of the kids were familiar with the classroom setting, knew each other, and knew a whole lot more than I did. Many times Mrs. Ryan asked me questions and if I didn’t know the answer she would get so mad at me. I remember feeling embarrassed, ashamed, and very different than everyone.
One day the class was quietly working on a coloring exercise. Out of nowhere Mrs. Ryan asks loudly and irritated, “Daphne is that you humming?” I answered, “No.” Everyone went back to working and guess what… I was humming only I didn’t realize I was. She yelled again, “Daphne that is you humming!” I got yelled at and upset poor Mrs. Ryan again. What’s funny is there was no music playing in the classroom, but apparently I had a song playing in my head. That was such a hard year for me. Six years old, shy, scared, embarrassed, and felt totally out of place. That was a hard year for me, but I made it thru first grade. I’m also happy to report that I never had to repeat a grade and even made A-Honor Roll a few times.
I’m sure after Mrs. Ryan yelled at me I kept humming inside. Music has always been my medicine. It lifts me up and takes me to a place where there is no drama or negativity. I’m glad I had my music that particular day. I could have been sitting there scared, mad, and intimated by everyone, but I was in my own little world happy & humming.
If you’re ever in a place that makes you feel out of place, remind yourself who are you. Remind yourself that Fear doesn’t come from God. You were put there for a reason, so don’t walk away. Instead, be the Strong & Courageous man or woman you were created to be. You won’t be alone and if you feel like you are, start humming. It works.